Lincolnite

You legally can start blowing stuff up in about 35 minutes. Woohoo! I used to be a big-time fireworks junkie. I'm sure my friends and I drove our neighbors nuts. If the constant bang of firecrackers wasn't enough to drive them nuts, there were other annoyances like smoke and the constant danger of fire caused by our dangerous experiments. (Have you ever shot an arterial shell horizontally? Good times.) Ten years ago I managed a fireworks tent for the first time. I operated a Sav'n Sam's tent in the Wal-Mart parking lot on North 27th Street. It was a prime location, for two reasons: One, it drew a constant stream of traffic. And two, Wal-Mart's clientele matched our primary market almost perfectly. What was our primary market, you ask? Relatively poor white families. I didn't really know that when I first started, but it quickly became clear. It also quickly became depressing. Many folks came in and spent a lot of money -- and I mean a lot of money -- on fireworks, when it was clear that fireworks probably shouldn't have been their priority. That first year I made a hefty profit. If I recall correctly I walked away with about $1,500 for 72 hours of fairly hard labor. Not bad for a recent high school graduate. Thanks to my friends and family, we ran one hell of an operation. Our tent was clean and organized even when there were dozens of people packed inside. Our cashiers were awesome at keeping the lines moving. (I'll bet some of them can still tell you how much a ground bloom flower [$0.06], 48 shot color pearl flower [$0.49], and red box artillery shell [$3.99] cost.) When it was all over I had handled thousands of dollars in cash and checks, and I had slept about 8 hours in two nights. Overall, the first year was awesome. There were a couple interesting incidents that first year. There was the guy who came back with an obliterated tube from an artillery shell. He angrily insisted we were selling dangerous products. I think I handled him very well. I never once told him, "Sir, you're an idiot. You put the shell into the tube upside down." I eventually sent him home with a free replacement product and my sincerest (ha!) apologies. And then the bastard called the fire marshal on me. Once the fire marshal arrived and saw the damaged tube, he agreed with me that the man was a moron. Still, he had to take a sample product out behind the tent and launch a few test shells. It worked just fine. Then there was the guy my dad literally threw out of the tent. I didn't see it happen, but apparently a drunk guy bumped into a "foreign" man who didn't speak English very well. (I want to say that at the time I thought the man might have been from Iraq, but I might be mis-remembering.) Drunk guy started harassing the man, who was startled and confused. My dad saw the whole thing and intervened. When it was clear that drunk guy wasn't going to be rational, my dad chucked him out of the tent, bouncer-style. Nice! I think we sent the other man home with a few free items. A little girl left her coin purse in the tent that first year. It had a couple bucks and change inside. I felt bad for her, so I kept it around, going so far as to take it back to the tent all three years that I managed it. I never saw her again. My original plan was to give it to a "needy" child during my last year, but that year went so poorly, I forgot about it. I think I still have that coin purse somewhere. The wind darn near killed us during my second year. It was awful. It didn't help that Sav'n Sam's used the cheapest tent vendor possible. I pleaded for help multiple times, but I got nothing. That is, until a particularly hefty gust of wind snapped one of the poles and one of the pieces whacked a woman in the side of the head. Have you ever tried to simultaneously call 911 on a cell phone in 40 mile per hour winds while evacuating customers from a collapsing tent? That was interesting. We sent all of the customers away with whatever they happened to have in their hands at the time the tent fell. The injured woman was extremely unhappy, and I don't blame her. She must have reached a settlement with Sav'n Sam's and/or the tent company because I was never called to testify or anything. The third year really sucked. It stormed on the night of the 2nd and the 3rd, both times causing extensive damage to the product and the tent. I had a crappy new location. And the management of Sav'n Sam's was really, truly awful that year. I came very, very close to closing up shop and walking away. Needless to say, that was my last year managing a fireworks tent. Not coincidentally, it was also the last year Sav'n Sam's existed, at least in Lincoln. Ninety percent of my cynicism for fireworks was created that year. What are your most vivid fireworks-related memories? Has anybody else out there ever managed a tent?

When I walked out of the house this morning I felt like I was suddenly immersed in that pink liquid from The Abyss. The air was thick. WeatherBug tells me the humidity is sitting at 86% right now. Bleh.

Reminder: Senator Hagel will be holding a town hall meeting tomorrow in Lincoln on the war in Iraq and national security: Kimball Recital Hall, UNL City Campus, 12-1:30PM.

I have been doing freelance web development work on the side for a while now, and I would like to do even more. So far I have just been doing business as myself, but going forward I would like to formalize things a bit. First, though, I need a name. A while back I thought I would go with Center Coast Solutions, but for various reasons I don't like that as well any more. Can you help me come up with something better? (Or tell me why I should stick with CCS.) Some things to think about:

• My work consists of website design and web development, with an emphasis on using Expression Engine. I have done and will continue to do work for local and international clients.
• Lincolnite is -- or rather, will be -- an important part of my work as well.
• The Mr. Wilson "brand" is already known among the community of Expression Engine users and developers.
• The name, or some logical variant of it, must be available as a domain name.

Like I said, Center Coast Solutions was an early contender, but now I'm not so crazy about it. A friend suggested something with Menace in the title. He loves it, but I just don't feel like a very menacing guy. Do you have any suggestions? If I end up using your idea I'll buy you lunch.

Robert had his first kiss on Friday. It was adorable. We went to Southpointe for their Friday evening concert series. Robert was dancing and grooving to the music. Nearby, another one-year-old sat with her grandpa. When she saw Robbie, she went to dance with him. They walked around together and flirted for a while, drawing all sorts of attention to themselves. At some point Robbie must have decided they had courted long enough, because he walked right up to her, put his hands on her shoulders, and planted a big, sloppy kiss right on her lips. I think at least 50 people simultaneously let out an "Awwwww!" While everybody else commented to their neighbors that the kiss was the cutest thing they had ever seen, I sat in silence and thought to myself, "And so it begins..."

Ken Runge wants to know why more deference hasn't been given to concerns expressed by Hyde Observatory staff regarding light pollution from the current and future Talent Plus buildings. I can see why he is concerned, yet I don't know if I care. I like the notion of having a place like Hyde Observatory, but let's be realistic: it sits smack in the middle of the city. Compared to all of the rest of the light pollution the Observatory deals with, Talent Plus is small potatoes. Are there any astronomers out there who can tell us how much light is too much light for an observatory to deal with? Are we going to have to consider moving Hyde? And if we do consider that possibility, do we think it's worth it?

I can't say I'm all that concerned about terrorists hitting the Lincoln Airport, but c'mon, how does a wayward bicyclist end up lost on the runway? Shouldn't there be, like, a fence or something?

LPD will be busy over the next week with Independence Day-related law-breakers. Keep an eye on the number and types of police calls the officers get to deal with this week. Seriously people, don't bug the cops with little crap like "Little Johnny is playing with lady fingers!" Try to resolve it yourself first. (Hint: Try playing the same Raffi tune -- any Raffi tune -- over and over and over again as loud as you can make your stereo. The troublemakers will be forced to go elsewhere.) And if you're the type who just haaaaas to celebrate American independence by blowing up overpriced Chinese noisemakers, don't be a prick to your neighbors, mmmkay?

I have really had enough of this Time Warner cable television talk -- the latest news is that the Cable Television Advisory Board wants to study how to bring competition to town -- but it got me thinking about competition in the internet access arena. Most people think the only two high-speed internet access options are DSL through Windstream and cable through Time Warner. But there is at least one other company that offers both: Internet Nebraska. As I understand it, Internet Nebraska basically resells services offered by Windstream and Time Warner, but for a cheaper price. The downside, from what I hear, is that customer service can be a pain because you essentially have to work through two companies instead of just one. Have any of you used Internet Nebraska's internet services? What was your experience? I have always wanted to give them a try, but honestly, one thing more than any other has caused me to hold back: their website. It is outdated in all sorts of ways, and it has been outdated for years. The content seems reasonably current, but the design and communications methods scream 1998. A company that does its business on the internet should "get" the web better than that.

Americruise is in town again this weekend. Check it out at State Fair Park today (10-6), tomorrow (9-6), and Sunday (9-3:30). There is no official parade this year, but I'm not too worried. You can usually spot the cars all around town throughout the weekend.

We now know that American Idol will be holding auditions in Omaha, Do you know any Lincolnites who should audition? Do you know any who deserve to make it all the way to the competition? I don't know Lincoln's music scene very well, but I do know one person I would love to see given a chance: Anna DeGraff. Can I get a second?

Here's a shocker: a study has shown that Downtown Lincoln needs more retail -- specifically homegrown retail -- and improved parking coordination. Raise your hand if you didn't see that conclusion coming. Anybody? I didn't think so. I know there is a lot of cynicism surrounding the push to "renew" Downtown. (Why, did it expire?) Why mess with the hassle of going Downtown when there are so many more-accessible options elsewhere? Why pay for parking when you can get it free at the mall? And so on. The cynics make some good points. What many of them fail to realize, however, is just how popular the "back to Downtown" movement is all across the country. I was floored by how much new development was going on in downtown Des Moines when I was there this weekend. Omaha is just a couple years behind them. Similar development is happening in big and little cities everywhere. The market for this stuff is booming, and it would be a huge mistake for Lincoln not to take advantage of it, both at the public and private levels.

Chris Beutler outspent Ken Svoboda by $200,000 and Beutler was subsequently elected for the low cost of $21.03 per vote. Svoboda spent $13.71 per vote. The question I have for you is: does money buy votes in Lincoln? I always think that's an interesting question to ponder after each election. My general opinion -- and my opinion in this specific case -- is no. Do you think otherwise?

Let's have a debate. Here's your topic: Resolved: Lincoln is missing out on critical opportunities in the I-80 corridor because of a singular focus on Downtown. Discuss.

There's a lot of buzz over Susan Gourley's $228,591 salary -- and most of it isn't positive. The griping is understandable. For one thing, that money would cover salaries for five or six teachers. In addition, Dr. Gourley has been all but invisible to the community. When the only thing we hear about her is that she's pulling in nearly a quarter million, well, folks aren't going to jump up and down in jubilation. Dr. Gourley's pay seems too high to me, but of the superintendents' paychecks I've been aware of over the years, they have all seemed too high. I suspect we are paying approximately what we "have" to pay for quality administrative leadership. If anybody has data to the contrary, I'd love to see it.