Lincolnite

Once my boyfriend and I get settled down from school, get more financially stable, and take the marriage plunge (5-8 years), there is a possibility that we would want to adopt.

It’s when I read stories like those, that I recoil from the idea…  I’m not sure I could take the emotional turmoil if something like that happened, especially since it was so hard for me to take the news that I’m unable to have children.

That sounds selfish of me, doesn’t it?

Fortunately, heart-wrenching stories like this one are extremely rare. Domestic adoptions of newborns completed with the assistance of reputable agencies (or attorneys) typically go smoothly. If there is going to be a hiccup, it is most likely to occur before you ever meet the child. That can still sting of course, but it’s much less painful than if you had had a chance to bond with the child.

As for your “selfishness”, I’ll just say this: Not all forms of selfishness are bad. Knowing your limits and acting to protect yourself may be “selfish”, in a way, but what good are you to your loved ones—not to mention to yourself—if you’re miserable?

The Missus and I were fortunate in that we came upon the decision to adopt very easily. We didn’t have your specific “Am I being selfish?” discussion. We did, however, have different ones, such as the “selfishness” of wanting to adopt a newborn.

Eventually The Missus and I came to terms with a simple fact: we’re all selfish. Take a look around at how people allocate their time and resources, for example. That “everybody else is doing it” doesn’t render your or my selfishness ok, but it does help shift one’s thoughts away from “I’m terrible” and toward “I’m human”. I find it’s easier for me to address my weaknesses by seeing them through the lens of my own humanity than by beating myself up over them.