Back East

By: Mr. Wilson on July 8, 2007
I'm in beautiful (?) Baltimore, Maryland with my dad today, and I am on my way to Elizabethtown, Pennsylvania, where I will be attending a NISOA soccer referee camp for the week. I have no idea if I will have time to post much this week -- or if I will even have internet access -- so my posting will probably be light for the next few days. I thought about putting up some nice puzzles to keep you busy, but then I figured it wouldn't be very nice to possibly disappear and not provide hints or answers for several days. If I can secure internet access in Etown, I'll make sure to get something posted. While I'm back East, The Missus and Robbie are out West, visiting grandma and grandpa in Albuquerque. Do you realize how much New Mexican food kicks the snot out of the food on the East Coast? I could really go for a giant breakfast burrito slathered in green chile right now. Mmmmmm... Instead, I think I'm stuck with the hotel's waffle bar. Oh well.

That’s a Colorful Turkey

By: Mr. Wilson on July 7, 2007
The Missus was running in the area around The Knolls this morning when an older gentleman hollered at her. "Hey!" She turned and looked, but kept running. "Hey, come here for a second." Yeah right. Hot chick in a sports bra + strange dude = tragic made-for-TV movie. She kept running. "Wanna see something neat?" Now she's really not going to stop. This guy is reading straight out of the How To Be a Freaky Dude handbook. "Look, there's a peacock in my yard!" OK, now he's just delusional. There's no way there's a ... What the hell? There was a peacock in his yard. The Missus stopped and talked to him for a while. Turns out, the peacock had been there all morning. Where did it come from? Who knows. Maybe it came from the zoo. Or maybe somebody was keeping it as a pet. While she stood there and talked to the man, Animal Control arrived and herded the peacock into the truck. And that was that. I know there have been turkey sightings in that neighborhood, and even the occasional deer. But a peacock? That's a new one.

Love ‘Em or Hate ‘Em, Term Limits are Legal

By: Mr. Wilson on July 6, 2007
The Nebraska Supreme Court has ruled that the state's term limits law is legit. I'm not surprised at the ruling. The argument put forth by Ernie Chambers, Dennis Byars and Marian Price -- that term limits interfered with their First Amendment rights -- seemed awfully weak to me. The Court's ruling proves that just because a law is stupid, doesn't mean it's unconstitutional. I wonder what would happen if, say, Ernie Chambers' district staged a write-in campaign, and Chambers managed to win the election that way. Without using an argument that boils down to "it's the law", for what reasons should the voters not be allowed to send their chosen man to the Unicameral? Hat tip: foxspit

Nebraska Will Host the 2010 Olympics

By: Mr. Wilson on July 6, 2007
That's right: Nebraska will play host to the 2010 Special Olympics. Events will be held at locations in Lincoln and Omaha. I don't know about you, but I think that's pretty damn cool. I realize the event is three years away, but I think it's safe to say I'll volunteer to help with at least one event. I know we have a lot of cyclists among the regular Lincolnite commenters, along with participants in any number of other activities. Whaddaya say, folks?

Lincoln Has the Worst!

By: Mr. Wilson on July 6, 2007
Did you hear that Lincoln's Escro was voted as having the worst band photo? If that doesn't make you proud of Lincoln's young talent, I don't know what will. Escro Frankly, I don't think Escro's pic is even in the top ten. See for yourself just how bad some of the photos are. I'm a big fan of White Chocolate, and these dudez are teh awesome lolz. Anyway, congratulations to Escro for all the free publicity they've received. There's no such thing as bad publicity, right?

No Suitable Building for Paul Daniel’s Downtown

By: Mr. Wilson on July 6, 2007
In light of the community's efforts to increase (non-bar) commercial activity Downtown, it's always discouraging to see a company that wants to stay Downtown have to leave due to lack of suitable space. That's what's happening with Paul Daniel's Interiors. Now don't go drawing any big conclusions based on this one incident. I don't know the details of why there wasn't any suitable space Downtown. Still, as much effort is being put into Downtown, I prefer to see local businesses moving in, not moving out.

Being Married is a Little Less Advantageous for State Employees

By: Mr. Wilson on July 6, 2007
The State has stopped paying for full health coverage for the 700 married couples who work for the state. It used to be cheaper for the state to pay the entire premium on one policy rather than paying the state's share on two separate policies. Not any more. The state is saving money, and couples and non-couples now receive comparable benefits. I applaud that. I have to admit, though, that I don't really understand how employers decide how much their share of health coverage should be. It seems like it would just be simpler and more equitable to give everybody the same amount to put toward health insurance. Instead, most employers get wrapped up in complicated formulas based on your marriage status, number of kids, and so on. Shouldn't all that complicated stuff be the employee's problem?

OMALiNK’s Plan for Public Transit in Lincoln

By: Mr. Wilson on July 5, 2007
Chris Stokes, president of OMALiNK, proposes in today's LJS letter's to the editor a plan to assist public transportation in Lincoln. The gist: give a chunk of StarTran's budget to private transportation companies. Maybe that's a good idea, maybe it isn't. I think Mr. Stokes needs more room to make his case. He needs to explain the costs of his plan a little better, for example. Consider these numbers: Mr. Stokes says that each of his vans costs $53 per hour to operate. He proposes running "numerous vans 24 hours a day, seven days a week in Lincoln", providing service "in each quadrant of the city". Let's start with one van in each quadrant of the city operating 24/7. The math: $53/hour/van * 24 hours/day = $1,272/day/van $1,272/day/van * 4 vans = $5,088/day $5,088/day * 365 days/year = $1,857,120/year Compared to StarTran's 2006-2007 budget of $9,212,023, that comes out to 20% of the budget just for four vans serving a limited population. Note that these numbers don't include any profit for the private companies involved. Mr. Stokes says he is asking for "just a small portion of the funds that go to the StarTran bus budget". Twenty percent of a relatively small budget seems like more than a "small portion" to me.

Peaceful Slumber

By: Mr. Wilson on July 5, 2007
I can't believe it. Robbie slept through the night despite all kinds of commotion just outside his bedroom window. Good job, buddy!

Ray’s is Out as Median Maintainer

By: Mr. Wilson on July 5, 2007
Thank goodness the Ray's Lawn Care / Ken Svoboda median mess is over. Well, pretty much over, anyway. Ray's is out a couple tens of thousands of dollars and they've taken a heck of a P.R. hit, but at least this can all be put behind us now. I hope. We Lincolnites need to ask ourselves if it's really worth the trouble to keep trying to have pretty medians. How many plants can actually survive among the poor soil and pollution present in a median? And of those that can survive, how many are actually pretty enough that we want them there? Personally, I very strongly prefer planted medians over concrete medians. Concrete is ugly. Concrete buckles and cracks. Concrete is boring. Here's my plan for the city's plantable medians: they should be put up for adoption. I propose a program not unlike the Adopt-a-Road and Adopt-a-Trail programs we are all familiar with. Anybody -- a business, an individual, a club, a neighborhood association -- can "adopt" a segment of median, from one block up to as much as they can reasonably handle. Any applicant would have to explain their plan for the median, and they would have to prove their ability to keep the median in good shape. Applicants could plant flowers or grass; they could plant trees (where appropriate); they could put up sculptures (assuming they are safe); or they could even arrange rocks and other items in artsy or geometric patterns. Signage would clearly indicate each segment's maintainer(s). Thus, businesses and groups could use the program as a P.R. booster. And if their median is ugly and ill-maintained? Those signs suddenly cause people to say, "Boy, Business X sure doesn't care about our community!". One problem: there would have to be rules governing the sorts of messages that could be conveyed in the medians. Can a business advertise in the median? Can the churches along Church Row on 84th Street litter the entire stretch with messages like "JESUS SAVES!"? Can a political party decorate the medians with elephants or donkeys? The rules would probably have to prohibit words. What about logos? I suppose this sounds like a complicated problem, but I think a reasonable policy could be constructed if you sat a group of Lincolnites around a table for an hour or two and let them hash it out. Another alternative -- a simpler alternative -- is to just pave over all the medians around town. Blah. I hope we don't have to do that.

Two More Buildings Bite the Dust

By: Mr. Wilson on July 3, 2007
I forgot to mention this morning that the buildings that formerly housed Wasabi! and Taste of China have been reduced to rubble. Here's hoping that positive news about the Catalyst One project will come soon.

Turco on Trial

By: Mr. Wilson on July 3, 2007
Ricky Turco has been ruled competent to stand trial for manslaughter in the death of Megan Churchill. I would love to sit on that jury. Not that I necessarily want to convict the guy. I just think this whole situation has been fascinating, and I would love to sit in on the jury discussions.

Memories of a Fireworks Tent Manager

By: Mr. Wilson on July 3, 2007
You legally can start blowing stuff up in about 35 minutes. Woohoo! I used to be a big-time fireworks junkie. I'm sure my friends and I drove our neighbors nuts. If the constant bang of firecrackers wasn't enough to drive them nuts, there were other annoyances like smoke and the constant danger of fire caused by our dangerous experiments. (Have you ever shot an arterial shell horizontally? Good times.) Ten years ago I managed a fireworks tent for the first time. I operated a Sav'n Sam's tent in the Wal-Mart parking lot on North 27th Street. It was a prime location, for two reasons: One, it drew a constant stream of traffic. And two, Wal-Mart's clientele matched our primary market almost perfectly. What was our primary market, you ask? Relatively poor white families. I didn't really know that when I first started, but it quickly became clear. It also quickly became depressing. Many folks came in and spent a lot of money -- and I mean a lot of money -- on fireworks, when it was clear that fireworks probably shouldn't have been their priority. That first year I made a hefty profit. If I recall correctly I walked away with about $1,500 for 72 hours of fairly hard labor. Not bad for a recent high school graduate. Thanks to my friends and family, we ran one hell of an operation. Our tent was clean and organized even when there were dozens of people packed inside. Our cashiers were awesome at keeping the lines moving. (I'll bet some of them can still tell you how much a ground bloom flower [$0.06], 48 shot color pearl flower [$0.49], and red box artillery shell [$3.99] cost.) When it was all over I had handled thousands of dollars in cash and checks, and I had slept about 8 hours in two nights. Overall, the first year was awesome. There were a couple interesting incidents that first year. There was the guy who came back with an obliterated tube from an artillery shell. He angrily insisted we were selling dangerous products. I think I handled him very well. I never once told him, "Sir, you're an idiot. You put the shell into the tube upside down." I eventually sent him home with a free replacement product and my sincerest (ha!) apologies. And then the bastard called the fire marshal on me. Once the fire marshal arrived and saw the damaged tube, he agreed with me that the man was a moron. Still, he had to take a sample product out behind the tent and launch a few test shells. It worked just fine. Then there was the guy my dad literally threw out of the tent. I didn't see it happen, but apparently a drunk guy bumped into a "foreign" man who didn't speak English very well. (I want to say that at the time I thought the man might have been from Iraq, but I might be mis-remembering.) Drunk guy started harassing the man, who was startled and confused. My dad saw the whole thing and intervened. When it was clear that drunk guy wasn't going to be rational, my dad chucked him out of the tent, bouncer-style. Nice! I think we sent the other man home with a few free items. A little girl left her coin purse in the tent that first year. It had a couple bucks and change inside. I felt bad for her, so I kept it around, going so far as to take it back to the tent all three years that I managed it. I never saw her again. My original plan was to give it to a "needy" child during my last year, but that year went so poorly, I forgot about it. I think I still have that coin purse somewhere. The wind darn near killed us during my second year. It was awful. It didn't help that Sav'n Sam's used the cheapest tent vendor possible. I pleaded for help multiple times, but I got nothing. That is, until a particularly hefty gust of wind snapped one of the poles and one of the pieces whacked a woman in the side of the head. Have you ever tried to simultaneously call 911 on a cell phone in 40 mile per hour winds while evacuating customers from a collapsing tent? That was interesting. We sent all of the customers away with whatever they happened to have in their hands at the time the tent fell. The injured woman was extremely unhappy, and I don't blame her. She must have reached a settlement with Sav'n Sam's and/or the tent company because I was never called to testify or anything. The third year really sucked. It stormed on the night of the 2nd and the 3rd, both times causing extensive damage to the product and the tent. I had a crappy new location. And the management of Sav'n Sam's was really, truly awful that year. I came very, very close to closing up shop and walking away. Needless to say, that was my last year managing a fireworks tent. Not coincidentally, it was also the last year Sav'n Sam's existed, at least in Lincoln. Ninety percent of my cynicism for fireworks was created that year. What are your most vivid fireworks-related memories? Has anybody else out there ever managed a tent?

Sticky

By: Mr. Wilson on July 3, 2007
When I walked out of the house this morning I felt like I was suddenly immersed in that pink liquid from The Abyss. The air was thick. WeatherBug tells me the humidity is sitting at 86% right now. Bleh.
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