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Things Not to Say to An Adoptive Parent

August 14, 2009 at 1:10pm By: Mr. Wilson Posted in 625 Elm Street

The other day The Missus and one of her friends—let’s call her Maude—took the kids to a park. Maude has two children, one adopted and one biological. Maude got pregnant with the biological child right after the adoption.

While at the park, The Missus and Maude met a very nice woman who had a child around Robbie’s age. They had a nice conversation and even exchanged phone numbers. Then The Missus and Robbie left. Shortly after that, Maude and the woman had a conversation that went like this:

Maude: We adopted my son, and soon after that I became pregnant with my daughter.
Woman: Isn’t that the way it always seems to happen? Just as soon as you adopt, you get pregnant and have the child you really wanted. [emphasis mine]
Maude: ::gasp!::

I’ll be very surprised if Maude invites the woman and her child for a playdate any time soon. Rule of thumb: When speaking with adoptive parents (or adopted children for that matter), never suggest that adopted children are less “wanted” than biological children. Hopefully it isn’t true, but if it is true you’re going to open some serious wounds. Either way everybody loses.

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